Theme: Holly, Jolly, Folly

As the big fat man came wandering in
There was not a kid without a grin

He had a big red suit and a beard so white
and over his shoulder he held a sack so tight.

He called out names, and Holly was one
She received the gift; it weighed a tonne.

An act of folly, she did not want to betray.
So, she stood with her gift, and the look of dismay.

Saint Nick kept reading names, 1 by 1
Kids ripped the paper; it looked like fun.

So! ... Holly opened the gift and there was a Dolly
She then looked at the man who looked so Jolly.

Who is this man to give gifts to me?
She didn't understand, as she was only three.

She could not help it, she had to inquire
Who are you? Dressed in this attire?

I am Father Christmas, Santa, Saint Nick
I travel round the world and I'm incredibly quick.

I deliver the presents to the boys and the girls
Some get trucks and some get pearls.
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I have a group of elves, and they help with my task
They can build a bike, some skates or even a mask.

The kids that are naughty get stockings of coal
And the kids that are good, well love, they get a doll.

So that's all you do to help or assist us
Just be good and have an awesome Christmas.

Christmas, 2022
 

Argh, the silly season has made a start

But decorations need revitalising a bit

At least you now have your own Kmart

Full of plastic holly and useless shit

I see overdressed fat men with white fluff

I hear annoying jolly jingles on the radio

You’ll rush to shops to buy nice stuff

But Tinwald traffic is again painfully slow

Kids write lists of folly stuff they won’t get

Cause the bank account’s rather bare

All your credit cards will be maxed I bet

With food and wine you’re forced to share

I see lots of holly and decorated fake trees

Lots of baubles and tinsel filling each gap

You’ll try to colour coordinate, but jeez,

The kids wanna add their homemade crap

The kids no longer look for me in the yard

No more mischief folly and playing with me

This year Christmas will be ‘specially hard

Unless my family are vegan and meat-free

While for you Christmas spells magic

Everyone partying, acting jolly and perky

Unfortunately for me, it’s rather tragic

..Because I am this family’s ... turkey

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The secret life of a school bus driver

I’ve got to drive the school bus, although my black eye hurts a bit. It helps to pay the bills, yet the bus I drive it is shit

Pulling up to a stop, a schoolgirl comes aboard
“Look at you!” She gasps,” Oh my dear lord”

“You should look for a new job” she let out in a puff. “I never thought bus driving could be so ruff”

The doppie young kid, she had no fuckin clue
She should see the other guy; I beat black and blue.

Last night was the fight, it was in the basement of a pub. Not that we talk about it, it the rule of the club.

It was a fight like none other, and I’ve been in a few He came at me with a round house, it was out of the blue.

The heal of his foot, hit me right in the face.
That’s what I want, a bit of disgrace.

I need the odds to swing into his favour.
And then my mate Johnny, will put on the wager.

I looked over at Johnny, with a slight shake of his head. Fuck I need to take more, but much more I’ll be dead

I took a punch to the head and a kick to the knee. I looked over at Johny he was nodding at me.
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It is now – it’s my time, I just need to stay calm.
Nar fuck it I went in, and I had broken his arm.

His hand hung there, all floppy and weak
By the time I'm finished with him, he won't be able to speak.

This guy was crying, he is truly pathetic
Someone yelled out, “bring out the medic”.

I came back with an upper cut straight to his chin. And added a wink and a smug little grin.

The ref blew a whistle to call off the fight
I guess it's fair enough he was a hell of a sight.

The blood was all over his face and his hair.
My mate Johny laughed and bought me a beer.

With the money I win, off this one fight alone.
It will not be enough; I’ll still drive the kids home.

But one day you’ll see, we’ll keep playing the
bids. I’ll keep fighting the fights and dropping off
kids.

We’ll save enough money and, on that day,
I won't need to drive busses to keep me in pay.

Then a limousine, I’ll be driving a celebrity.
As long as the fights don’t see the death of me.

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